MIKEY'S HOME

Mikey's home! Wow - what a relief! Is that even a word? I can't understand how the word 'relief' can mean what I am feeling right now... I feel like all of me is about to jump out of my skin, and all my muscles are buzzing like I should be getting ready to fight or run or something right now....

I'm also sad that he has to come home and see signs everywhere and hear things on tv and radio disregarding all the dangerous things that he was doing as just a stupid fight where we are bullying people around. People just like me who have been sitting safe at home this whole time putting what he has experienced into a box and shutting it and throwing it away like it doesn't matter... that his friends have been hurt and killed while fighting by his side for nothing...

He was showing us things that he brought back, and all of a sudden just walked away and went and sat down across the room. I went over and asked him if it was freaking him out that we were all there and so close to him, and he said that it was, but he wanted everyone there.. I wonder how long it will take him to be able to transition back to being able to just sit and maybe do nothing, or be with people that have all chosen to be with him and aren't just there cuz they were put there. Sometimes it's hard to be around people who know you well when you can't figure out if you know yourself anymore.

Anyway, I love him, and am so glad that he is home! None of us realized how much of a weight was lifted from us being able to see him home. Brian and I just sat in the car not being able to express what we wanted to say. Well.. Brian did say that it would look gay if he hugged Mike as long as he had wanted to! :) Those boys.. they're so weird with hugs...

Jesus - thank you so much for Mike, and thank you for keeping him safe, help me be the friend that he needs now so that the love I have for him can somehow show him your love and help him love you.